My sister and I have come up with a few text acronyms of our own lately. Here, we offer a twist on the old (new) favs:
ARA: Accidentally Reply All. This is when an email has come in cc'd to about a million people, and we find the nerve to reply to the original message (dicey!) but just to each other (this is a critical step in pulling off the joke). The reply is something sarcastic and career-ending in a normal tone, complete with professional, friendly sign-off included.
The key is to make the email look so legit that we shock the other into thinking for a split second that this IS in fact the response we just "replied all" with.
ARA is a real boon for the slow days at the office. There's that split second of fear after hitting send when you think, "OK, ok, I really just sent it to Kerry, right?" and in the next second, the exhilaration of a phone ringing with an enraged sister on the other end.
Please note: This is a very poor idea because it comes with the inherrent danger of, in fact, ARA to about a million people who now want to know what your problem is.
AFBA: Accidentally Facebook All. The trump to ARA.
WTF: Way Too Far. This commentary goes for everything you might use the more vulgar WTF for but in a more sisterly fashion. It's used not in anger but more in the way someone who loves you wants to remind you that she sometimes hates you and that others should hate you too. (i.e. In response to well-played Accidentally Reply All, she may reply "WTF" in an affectionate, begrudgingly impressed way.)
WUR? Will U Respond? Our in-house GTWoman favorite. This is also known as passing the buck. When we get an email about something outlandish, it's a game to see who can forward the email to the other fastest with a very, very, very casual "wur?" noted at the top. Sometimes we'll make the additional note "RUN."
OMG: One More Girl. This is how our events get sold out, and then some. We are famous, famous we say, for squeezing in OMG at every event. About 20 times. So if you've ever been to a luncheon where you watched us eating our meals standing up, or sitting in a corner in a random chair, with a plate balanced on our laps, it's because it's an OMG kinda day. And we are especially proud of those kinda days.
LOL: Look Out Lads. This is more of an out-on-the-town kind of acronym. Used with sickening excess in Chicago.
BFF(N): Best Friend For Now. Our new favorite. This phrase is applied whenever some great grievance happens within a friendship, and we begin to analyze where and if this relationship is going anywhere. BFFN is a great diffuser. The grievance is immediately downgraded when we deem the offender a BFFN. This phrase takes away all expectations of perfection. We are cool again. Things were ugly there for a second, but hey life is short and you shall remain a best friend for now.
BTW: By The Way. We use this in its traditional sense but we like to hang it on shocking statements. BTW, you're fired.
FYI: For Your Information. Again, used traditionally. But is FYI ever really necessary? It's the equivalent of an email eye roll. i.e. "I told you this already. Twice. Yesterday. FYI."
SOL: Sh!t Out of Luck. OK, we just HAD to put SOL in here because — newsflash — this is nothing new, people. Our dad has been verbally texting this since before car phones came in bags.
We wish you all a great Holiday season with all your BFFNs and we hope your Santa goes WTF and you aren't SOL this year!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
Three birthdays, evenly distributed
It's been a month of birthdays around here for my boys.
Three birthdays in the one little month of October.
And due to a complicated formula involving Physics, Mathematics and Psych, this has resulted in their mother (me) providing the two boys with TRIPLE the normal birthday haul.
Our youngest, Nelson, has the first birthday of the month on Oct. 7. Since the day of his arrival however, there has been a huge contention from the home team (Kendall) on how his younger brother gets his birthday first every October.
I made the lifelong mistake of "fixing" this problem by letting Kendall open one present on Nelson's birthday that first year.
Lo and behold, the next "fix" was letting Nelson open something on his brother's birthday when Nelson was old enough to throw a flag on the situation. It's a vicious cycle I am unable (despite treatment) to break.
This means I have to budget the right amount of gifts to keep a steady flow going all month long. Each child needs at least two gifts: their Real Gift and their Auxiliary Gift to open on their brother's birthday.
There are some parameters for this birthday dance. The Auxiliary must be of lesser value than the brother's Real, lest overshadowing take place or, worse setting off of their father's radar. Tim is patient, but, to give the man his due, also sane.
On the flip side, the Auxiliary cannot be of such lesser value that the forlorn child spends half the day badgering the birthday boy for part or all of his Real.
It's a delicate balancing act that I blame on being a twin, where such fairness is only, well, fair.
But it was worse this year: On Tim's birthday, Oct. 11, they (got me in a headlock and) insisted Kendall couldn't wait until Oct. 31 and therefore needed his present on his father's birthday (along with Nelson's Auxiliary of course).
This excuse, along with the fact that Kendall had ferreted his Real out of the back of the closet and was now shaking a gift-wrapped 1-billion-piece Lego set above his head like a giant maraca while screaming "It's Legos! It's Legos!" worked. I know, shocking.
So come Kendall's Real birthday on Oct. 31, I had to have a Second Real for the poor child to open on his Real birthday, along with a Second Auxiliary for his poor brother.
I mean, what's a Real birthday morning without a little wrapping paper flying between brothers?
My mom would be very proud of my standing on principle like this, rallying behind my complete insanity in the name of her grandchildren. Proud, fiercely proud — despite the mess I'd made of the birthday run up to that point.
But by Oct. 31, there was no way I was going to buy two more presents. No, this called for a Cooperative Present — at the time unheard of, thereby warranting a new chapter in the rule book. It was soon deemed that a Cooperative would be one small present they would share — half the size but, in all probability, twice the cost. See, a complicated yet respectable system.
So in the end, both boys had THREE birthdays in one calendar... month. I am already saving for next year's October Birthday Blowout Extravaganza.
Three birthdays in the one little month of October.
And due to a complicated formula involving Physics, Mathematics and Psych, this has resulted in their mother (me) providing the two boys with TRIPLE the normal birthday haul.
Our youngest, Nelson, has the first birthday of the month on Oct. 7. Since the day of his arrival however, there has been a huge contention from the home team (Kendall) on how his younger brother gets his birthday first every October.
I made the lifelong mistake of "fixing" this problem by letting Kendall open one present on Nelson's birthday that first year.
Lo and behold, the next "fix" was letting Nelson open something on his brother's birthday when Nelson was old enough to throw a flag on the situation. It's a vicious cycle I am unable (despite treatment) to break.
This means I have to budget the right amount of gifts to keep a steady flow going all month long. Each child needs at least two gifts: their Real Gift and their Auxiliary Gift to open on their brother's birthday.
There are some parameters for this birthday dance. The Auxiliary must be of lesser value than the brother's Real, lest overshadowing take place or, worse setting off of their father's radar. Tim is patient, but, to give the man his due, also sane.
On the flip side, the Auxiliary cannot be of such lesser value that the forlorn child spends half the day badgering the birthday boy for part or all of his Real.
It's a delicate balancing act that I blame on being a twin, where such fairness is only, well, fair.
But it was worse this year: On Tim's birthday, Oct. 11, they (got me in a headlock and) insisted Kendall couldn't wait until Oct. 31 and therefore needed his present on his father's birthday (along with Nelson's Auxiliary of course).
This excuse, along with the fact that Kendall had ferreted his Real out of the back of the closet and was now shaking a gift-wrapped 1-billion-piece Lego set above his head like a giant maraca while screaming "It's Legos! It's Legos!" worked. I know, shocking.
So come Kendall's Real birthday on Oct. 31, I had to have a Second Real for the poor child to open on his Real birthday, along with a Second Auxiliary for his poor brother.
I mean, what's a Real birthday morning without a little wrapping paper flying between brothers?
My mom would be very proud of my standing on principle like this, rallying behind my complete insanity in the name of her grandchildren. Proud, fiercely proud — despite the mess I'd made of the birthday run up to that point.
But by Oct. 31, there was no way I was going to buy two more presents. No, this called for a Cooperative Present — at the time unheard of, thereby warranting a new chapter in the rule book. It was soon deemed that a Cooperative would be one small present they would share — half the size but, in all probability, twice the cost. See, a complicated yet respectable system.
So in the end, both boys had THREE birthdays in one calendar... month. I am already saving for next year's October Birthday Blowout Extravaganza.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Save it for the fall Moms!
“Save it for the fall” has become our mantra around here. My sister's two children and my two children, all four of them, will be in school this fall. For the first time in our lives, we will have the house to ourselves to work on GTWoman Magazine.
While we admit this is a bittersweet transition, we’d like to outline some of the celebrations that will be unfolding.
Any and all fantastic, mind-blowing ideas are now on a time line. Instead of worrying we don’t have the time or resources to blow minds, we simply table the fantasticness and announce that we shall “save it for the fall.”
For, in the fall, we hope that time will unfurl and hand us back our minds after running the magazine with chillins’ at our feet and in our minivans for 7 years.
Here’s how we sound day or night:
Kerry: “Let’s go to a dude ranch and rope cattle.”
Kandy: “Save it for the fall.”
Kandy: “Let’s go national with GTWoman.”
Kerry: “Save it for the fall.”
Kerry: “Let’s clean the house.”
Kandy: “Save it for the fall.”
Of course, once the semi-empty nest is upon us, we will surely be plunged into a deep depression. Even now, we’re a little haunted, wondering what we will do with the booming echo of a house empty from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. five days a week.
“Save it for the fall” has been our coping mechanism. Perhaps we’ll be so busy this fall we won’t notice the loneliness, what with our clean houses and coiffed style?
Well, for the first week, we can guarantee that there won’t be a lot accomplished. We’ll spend a good 15 minutes moping about the house, looking at their pile of discarded trains and feel a yearning for the “good old days.” Then we’ll snap back to reality and remember the good old days also involved diapers and the ever-present threat of a double homicide.
Here are our plans focusing on the positive and not the emptiness:
Besides these basic goals, we are also having daydreams of houses that are cleaner, laundry that is doner and dishes that are dryer.
There’s probably a slew of moms who will tell us that even after the kids are in school, things will not get done. To them we say… “save it for the fall.”
While we admit this is a bittersweet transition, we’d like to outline some of the celebrations that will be unfolding.
Any and all fantastic, mind-blowing ideas are now on a time line. Instead of worrying we don’t have the time or resources to blow minds, we simply table the fantasticness and announce that we shall “save it for the fall.”
For, in the fall, we hope that time will unfurl and hand us back our minds after running the magazine with chillins’ at our feet and in our minivans for 7 years.
Here’s how we sound day or night:
Kerry: “Let’s go to a dude ranch and rope cattle.”
Kandy: “Save it for the fall.”
Kandy: “Let’s go national with GTWoman.”
Kerry: “Save it for the fall.”
Kerry: “Let’s clean the house.”
Kandy: “Save it for the fall.”
Of course, once the semi-empty nest is upon us, we will surely be plunged into a deep depression. Even now, we’re a little haunted, wondering what we will do with the booming echo of a house empty from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. five days a week.
“Save it for the fall” has been our coping mechanism. Perhaps we’ll be so busy this fall we won’t notice the loneliness, what with our clean houses and coiffed style?
Well, for the first week, we can guarantee that there won’t be a lot accomplished. We’ll spend a good 15 minutes moping about the house, looking at their pile of discarded trains and feel a yearning for the “good old days.” Then we’ll snap back to reality and remember the good old days also involved diapers and the ever-present threat of a double homicide.
Here are our plans focusing on the positive and not the emptiness:
- Watch a full episode of The Young and The Restless. Uninterrupted. Volume below ear-splitting. Daily.
- Eat cookies. That we don’t have to share. Hourly.
- Clean our offices. Put our stapler where we want it. Find it there the next day. With staples still in it.
- Feed the cats. Have the food remain in the bowl and not become cargo for Thomas, James and Percy, Sodor Island’s trio of steam engines.
- Feed ourselves. Not last. Not after cutting, buttering and arguing. Have pleasant conversations with others without removing a child from the ceiling fan of an eating establishment.
- Open the porch door. Not have the screen banged open and shut 15 times during Y&R and walked thru during B&B. (If you know what B&B stands for, you’re in the club. Details below.)
- Start Moms Survival Club. This is for moms who have worked from home through the preschool years and survived. This club will entail ice cream not dropped on the floor, salon outings without a battle of wills ensuing and shopping where no one crawls under a locked door or announces they can see your underwear
- Work.
- Return phone calls without hunkering down in a bedroom with a barricade made out of dresser drawers and laundry.
Besides these basic goals, we are also having daydreams of houses that are cleaner, laundry that is doner and dishes that are dryer.
There’s probably a slew of moms who will tell us that even after the kids are in school, things will not get done. To them we say… “save it for the fall.”
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